Long ago I made a life altering decision. I decided not to worry, or in my Dad’s words “Don’t borrow tractors”*. I haven’t yet perfected it in practice (I’m human after all) but I’m making great headway.
I must point out something vital about adopting this ‘glass full’ life strategy… Choosing to not worry doesn’t mean that there are no problems to deal with. It’s more about training ourselves not to sweat the small stuff and to put even the big stuff into a realistic and workable context.
In reality, out of ten things we worry about maybe only one or two will ever bubble up to become real problems. Even those that actually do come to the fore are rarely as serious as we give them credit to be.
We have a tendency to overthink and over emphasise these potential worries. We lose perspective of the big picture because things that are close to us appear bigger and more threatening. We then start to pour all our valuable time and energy into worrying about them. For many, these worries may begin to consume their every thought, keeping them awake at night, often around 3-4am, as their mind slips into a spiral of negative thoughts.
Those lost hours of sleep can be even more frustrating when, upon waking to start the next day, the issue somehow seems less threatening or, at the very least, less overwhelming.
A highly effective tip for those who lie awake at night worrying is to tell yourself “This will feel so much easier to figure out in the morning” or “Things feel far worse than they actually are at this time of night”. Then give yourself permission to put the concern aside until the morning.
Consider also how you would advise someone you care about who is lying awake at night worrying. You wouldn’t tell them to continue stressing and to make sure they lose sleep over it. You would most likely tell them that they should put their worries aside until the morning and get the sleep they need and deserve. If it’s good advice for others, it’s good for you too. Be gentle with yourself.
Another really helpful technique is to write down a list of the things that are worrying you. Then considering each one separately, assign them one of three categories; not a real problem, nothing can be done about it, or within your control. You will most likely find that many of your worries fall into either the ‘not a real problem’ or ‘nothing can be done about it’ categories. For the real worries that fall into the ‘within your control’ category, you can come up with a plan of action which may require asking others for help. But in the morning… not at 3am!
Having a discussion with someone about those ‘within your control’ worries, with the objective of finding solutions and a plan of action to achieve them is far more powerful than spending your time worrying alone.
*If you want to hear the ‘Borrowing tractors’ story, click the QR code above for a video of this column including the story.
