By Louise Timlin
There are three types of work that typically go into running a household.
There is the paid work which speaks for itself: go out to work, earn a wage, spend it on household expenses.
There is a lot more I could say about this given the current cost of living crisis but I’ll save it for another column.
The second shift, typically consists of unpaid household tasks.
My son used to say, “Daddy puts the bins out and mummy does everything else.”
And then the “mental load”. Look up You Should Have Asked by Emma, and send it to any male members of your household.
It details how women typically take on the “project manager” role in a household, always having to remember what needs doing and when.
As an example, I do the cooking in our house. But this doesn’t mean I open the fridge and magically create a delicious and nutritious meal from what’s inside.
Firstly I have to plan the meals; what are everyone’s movements for the week, who eats what, we’re trying to eat less meat so the protein content of meals needs to be considered, I don’t want to shop more than once a week so no point in listing a stir-fry as the last meal of the week as the veg will have gone limp.
Then actually do the shopping; online or in-person?
How late have I left it and can I get a delivery slot?
Unpack and put away the shopping, hide the crisps from the teenagers, write the meal plan on the fridge (only to be asked every single day by a child or husband “what’s for dinner? as they are standing by the plan).
Cooking is the easy bit.
Christmas is the mental load on steroids.
My dad always moans about the amount of effort people put into one day.
Two observations here; it’s not people, it’s women, and it’s not just one day.
It’s the kids’ Christmas jumper day at school (squeezing them into last year’s jumper and hoping the seams last the day), making the mince pies for the get-together with the neighbours, making sure the posh clothes are dry-cleaned if you’re lucky enough to be going to a Christmas “do”, purchasing the secret-Santa presents for work colleagues.
And then everything else: presents, (planning, buying and wrapping) cards, decorations, food (more menu planning but this time don’t forget great-aunt Mildred is coeliac and your eco-warrior nan is now vegan…)
A friend at work, a young woman in her 30s, told me how all the males in her family go to the pub on Christmas Day while the women cook the dinner. I’m not sure my eyebrows have returned to their usual place yet.
My daughter was born (by c-section) on December 22, 2008.
Three days later, my husband and dad made the Christmas dinner.
Obviously, I had shopped for it all first.
On December 19, after I was told I’d be having a planned c-section on the 22nd, I went straight from the Royal Berks to Morrison’s. To help them with the cooking I had written a list of instructions with exact timings.
Every few minutes either my dad or husband would appear with a clarifying question.
Fair play to them both, they served up a delicious dinner.
And every Christmas Day since, while eating the delicious dinner that I have planned, shopped for and cooked, they discuss the amazing Christmas dinner of 2008 while they pat themselves on the back.
Of course, there is a serious point here.
Women do more unpaid household work, physical and mental, regardless of how much paid work they and their male partners respectively do. There are many reasons for this and it’s well-researched and documented.
The result of this means they have less time, and frankly energy, to commit to paid work. This is a factor in why we have more CEOs called John than female CEOs, and only 14% of global heads of state are women. These gendered norms also prevent men from taking care of and enjoying time with their children.
Research from other countries, notably the Scandinavian countries, shows that policies can have a massive impact: equalising parental leave; ensuring affordable, accessible and good quality childcare; making work flexible by default.
These are all Women’s Equality Party Policies.
If implemented they would help reduce the pay gap, make it easier for employers to hold on to good staff, permit more women to take on decision-making positions in business and beyond, as well as enabling more men to take part in childcare, and allow more children to benefit from time with both their parents.
But don’t forget, equality starts at home, so this Christmas make a different Christmas list – sit with your partner and divide up the responsibilities ahead of time according to the jobs you enjoy.
And use this as a chance to minimise the work.
I no longer send Christmas cards. Instead, I round up the family and take a “lovely family selfie” by the tree which gets WhatsApped to various groups.
Although now the kids are teenagers, this is turning into a chore so don’t be surprised if you get a picture of my cats in Santa hats this year instead.
Louise Timlin, is the Reading and Wokingham branch lead for the Women’s Equality Party
