A WOKINGHAM church is giving people an unusual opportunity to tackle a taboo subject, during a guided discussion.
From time to time All Saints Church gathers together local people from all over town to talk about death.
“No, we haven’t lost our minds, become depressed or run out of things to say,” said Claire Jones, the church’s pastoral care lead.
“We’re running a project to encourage people of all faiths and none to break down the taboo and fears linked to talking about death.”
The church’s project is called Grave Talk.
It’s a guided conversation over coffee and cake, in a relaxed, social setting.
Prompt cards covering five themes: life, death, society, funerals and grief, help people to talk about their thoughts and feelings.
“It isn’t about graves at all – unless you want it to be – and it isn’t a grave subject either – we have fun,” Claire said.
“Our culture puts a taboo around the subject of death, so lots of us avoid the subject and then struggle when we are bereaved or dying.
“Many of us have no idea what sort of funeral our loved one would really like, and then have to deal with these challenges when we are at our most vulnerable.
“But it doesn’t have to be like this.”
Some people feel a level of trepidation and scepticism about taking part in such a strange discussion and wonder why talking about death could be a good idea.
Despite these very natural doubts, Claire explains that within a matter of minutes of a session starting there is a buzz of conversation and laughter running through the room.
In fact, she says, some people are so keen they come to session after session.
“At first people can be concerned about knowing the ‘right’ answer, but there isn’t a wrong answer, just what you think,” said Claire.
“Group members may have very different views and experiences, but all are valid.
“Hearing someone else’s view may give you a new outlook, and reflecting on your own experiences may give you insights you hadn’t thought much about before.
“The idea is to get us talking about our feelings around the loss of a loved one, our own death, grief, and what a ‘good’ funeral means to us.
“The hope is that taking part in the discussion will get us thinking and talking to our loved ones about our feelings and wishes.
“This way, when the time comes, and we are feeling so vulnerable, we will already know what we, and they, would choose.
“And when the undertaker asks if we know what sort of funeral our loved one wanted, we can confidently say yes we do.”
The next Grave Talk session will take place in the De Vitre Room, at the Cornerstone, Norreys, on Friday, April 25 at 10am.
The event is free and people can just turn up.
For information, visit: allsaintswokingham.org.uk
