EARWORMS are funny things. The same snatch of song goes round your head on an endless loop, often for days at a time.
Some I don’t mind.
Every so often, it’s one of the themes to Whicker’s World. It’s either 1960s swing from Laurie Johnson, or the bombastic 1980s one by Graham de Wilde and called Newsweek.
At other times, it’s The Sound of Silence performed not by Art and Garfunkel, but the band of the Royal Marines. It popped up on a YouTube playlist once and keeps reappearing. Followed by Puff The Magic Dragon.
Not sure what that says about YouTube’s algorithms, or my taste in music.
Well actually, I do. Not a lot.
And that’s the curious thing about the internet and its tracking cookies. They can get it so right, but also so, so wrong.
Coming up to the festive shopping season, it can get it even wronger.
When it comes to the big day, surprise is the key factor particularly if you want to avoid another round of the dull, mundane and boring: a bestselling book, a new set of hankies, some cheap scent or the petrol station’s finest.
Staking the internet for ideas is the 21st century version of paging the Argos catalogue. Or the Great Universal one. Or, for those with even longer memories, the Index catalogue.
Flicking through for great ideas was fairly easy and could be done discreetly. As long as you keep a note of the catalogue numbers away from the pages it’s easy. In fact, the hardest thing is coming up with an excuse for just popping to the store to collect the item, or have it sent to home in a discreet package so no one can guess what it is.
Modern living though. Pah, there’s no hiding place.
If I’ve been searching for, say, the latest Star Wars blu-ray, the cookies follow me around different websites, bringing up advertising directly related to said digitally versatile discs. Which means that if junior is peeping over my shoulder, and put two and two together well, he’s the one who has to feign surprise on December 25.
Then there’s times when we’ve been talking about something – something improbable that we haven’t been searching online for. Say, sheds with minibars (we haven’t, but it works for this example). A few sweet words whispered around my phone and then suddenly my web searching brings up ads for the very same. Coincidence? Possibly, but I’m not reaching for the tinfoil hat just yet.
Then there’s the time when you’ve just bought something, say a radiator. For us humans it’s obvious this is a one-off purchase and we’re unlikely to pop down to Tesco to get another six on a whim. That doesn’t stop the cookies crumbling all around you.
If it’s a big surprise purchase, well, crumbs.
What would make things easier is if ecommerce stores had a gift shopping mode.
When you log in, and search for that perfect gift for Great Auntie Doris, there should be a way of telling all the various sites that you are looking for a present and you don’t necessarily want to see any ads pop up for it later.
Yes, there is incognito browsing modes on most web browsers these days – private modes that make it easier for this kind of thing – but what if you don’t want to use this method? After all, it’s a bit suspicious of more dubious activities. Like watching weird music videos on YouTube.
With Santa soon to be needing a helping hand, I’m keen to help create some surprises. I just don’t know where to start, especially as the Argos catalogue is no more.
Maybe I should just wait for the January sales and tell them Father Christmas came down with covid and had to be delayed. That or he was sucked into a YouTube rabbit warren.
While you’re waiting, who wants to listen to the Royal Marines perform Sweet Caroline?
