It’s been said that “democracy is the worst form of government except [for] all those other forms [of government] that have been tried from time to time”.
And as the parliament of owls has slowly and steadily morphed into the parliament of towels, we’ve seen that each has been thrown into (or out of) the ring frequently.
Such is the state of Britain in these Brexatious times and, if you were looking for any political common sense from this commentator, look away now.
Going to the country
After years of infighting, Euro-scepticism, “three more … bastards out there”, the then Conservative party leader, David Cameron, finally put the question to the country on June 23, 2016 – “Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?”
Early the following day, three things were clear.
There’d been a referendum, lots of people had voted, the outcome was 51.9% Leave, so the PM promptly announced his resignation.
Finally matters were out in the open, Tories WERE hopelessly split; Labour was in total confusion; Sturgeon’s Notional Party crowed about Sassenachs getting it wrong; and eight other people agreed.
The Mother of all battles
Meanwhile… With the country, the parties and the Houses of Parliament in confusion, the Conservatives badly needed to find a new leader. And badly did they go about it too.
From a field of over 20, five names went forward, but the bookies’ favourite wasn’t there. One of the five had stabbed Boris in the front – on telly too.
A few tantivies later and the Fox hadn’t been so much run to ground as eliminated. Some Tories claimed they’d not fallen foul of the Hunting Act 2004 on the grounds that dogs hadn’t been used in the hunt, at least not the four- legged kind.
One of the five was alleged to have been busy sexting someone who wasn’t his wife, bringing a whole new meaning to catching a Crabb (or should that be a case of the Crabbs)?
Another ballot saw a spelling mistake in the third placed candidate’s name as Gove immediately became Gone.
It came down to Leadsom vs May – would it be won by The Mother or The Mummy ?
And which was which?
The Rab C Nesbit option
The continued foot-in-mouth disease was too much and it was clear that the Lead Balloon just wasn’t going to fly, so the member for Maidenhead was left with the tricky task of a) uniting the country, b) working out what Brexit really meant and c) negotiating with four presidents, 27 country leaders and Barmy the Barn-stormer – Barnier.
After a lot of mucking about, nine months later a General Election was born and the Bristols of Brenda were firing on no cylinders as the national farce ground into gear.
The media focus on “Not another one” saw the country’s politics descending even deeper into the mire as the two-party system stepped up their rhetoric, divvied up their Dimblebys and proved once more that our national politicians were over-awed with the supremacy of their own irrelevance.
Eventually the May-fly looked more like the might fly, before it turned into the June-bug and the previously slim majority became so transparently thin that the government had to promise spending billions in Northern Ireland to buy sufficient votes to have any chance of survival.
Not so much “strong and stable” – more like “string and stubble”.
I Brexit, You Brexit, He She or It …
… either don’t Brexit, won’t Brexit or can’t Brexit.
The noun had become a verb, and declining it was an absolute beggar. Many tried and all failed.
Rhetoric had replaced reality and nobody knows what’s been negotiated, where we are, or what the future actually looks like.
Even the most die-hard Europhiles would agree that the European Union doesn’t work terribly well. Over 90% would perhaps say that Britain has been trying to drive EU reform, until it finally gave up somewhere between June 2016 and today.
So we’re reduced to tears – either of laughter or sadness – as Mr Speaker’s cries of “DIVISION” herald yet another opportunity for the elect to demonstrate that they’re “taking back control”.
Not the last word
I’ve not been paying much attention to matters political lately, so in writing this commentary on Brexit, I’ve had to research public records of recent events.
Wikipedia’s record of the various votes in the House of Commons since January this year shows a range of “meaningful votes”; a “motion in neutral terms”; some “amendable motions”; a “no deal” vote; an “extending article 50” vote, and the Letwin and Beckett amendments – which call for “indicative votes” to be held today (Wednesday, March 27).
Since this all started back in 2016, we’ve lost count of the number of government ministers who’ve resigned or been fired, the number of votes that MPs have been asked to make, even the number of times that the government has been defeated.
One doesn’t need to be a genius to understand that since 2016, 650 MPs at £75,000 per year (plus expenses) tots up to well over £50 million for the House of Commons alone.
On the TV programme Deal or No Deal we knew that the choice was a financial one, also that there were uncertainties and the person responsible for making the offers was known as The Banker.
I leave it to you to decide what the person responsible for making the Brexit offers to parliament is known as.
